Thursday, March 11, 2010

Too Ridiculous to be Fiction

... okay... today I'm posting a bad father story.

It's my husband's father. I just can't help but ask... shout to the universe - who does this kind of crap?

About 2-3 years ago my husband's mother and oldest brother were killed in a car accident in Hungary. The youngest brother, who they were picking up from his mission in Hungary, was the only one in the car that escaped all injury. He also had two friends in the car with them who were both injured. The father had stayed behind in the hotel that day.

Since that point in time my husband's father - who still had six, grown children to comfort and support, as they had lost their mother and brother - checked out. He continued to act selfishly, immaturely and frankly... displayed his true character...we think.

He was not an achiever, and is a porn addict. His wife was an achiever, college degree, school board, well-known in the community, and Church. The big joke in their family was that when they were to be married in the temple she hoped he wouldn't show up... and he joked that he thought the same thing. She was always disappointed he didn't serve a mission, or even complete a college degree. He was always losing jobs. Everyone considered him weak. They blamed her for it. Turns out, without her to hide behind, his selfish, petty nature was exposed.

Little less than a year or so he met a woman online. She is a woman who'd lived on welfare her entire life. And said that her quadriplegic husband left her and her kids. Can someone explain that one to me? Due to the death of his wife - my husband's father used the insurance money and went on a spending spree with his new girlfriend. Lavish, excursions... etc... despite the fact that the kids all knew, based on emails and other discovery... their father decided to marry this woman in the LDS temple in Hawaii. The kids were not at that ceremony.

Then my husband's father and his new wife started to unceremoniously discard anything, and everything of my husband's mother. They were insensitive to the feelings and emotions the six kids were going through.

And now... their father just emailed the kids in his family to tell them that his life insurance is set to be renewed soon - and he has opted, due to his squandering all his death money - can't afford his life insurance, and is throwing it over to the kids to decide whether they want to pay for it or not. Side note... he does have life insurance for his current wife...and he just recently leased a brand new car...and is unemployed.


Who does that?

The kids are trying to decide what to do...with legal backing etc... but my opinion? Wash our hands of it. Who cares about the life insurance... forget the pathetic loser.

I can't imagine... how my husband's mother had to suffer being married to someone who is a complete, and utter disappointment. Can you imagine her watching her husband completely mistreating her children right now? She's rolling over in her grave... to say that I loathe this person... who is not in any way a man... is merely an understatement. He's like a disease. I don't think it's any mistake that his first wife who was skinny when she married him... became extremely overweight. And now... his new welfare wife... started off skinny - and in the last 1-2 years has ballooned to twice her original size, leaning towards obese. He is a disgusting infection.

I am stunned that I know someone like this. It's utterly mental.


sue-donym said...

Wow. We call these people "kin". Definitely NOT family.

I'm with you. Wash your hands of the whole thing.

And give your husband a hg.

La Yen said...

I second the hand washing. And just know, in the back of your mind, you will have to pay for the nursing home and funeral.
I hate when parents make us be the grown-ups.

Kalli Ko said...

wash your hands and then sanitize just for good measure


Big Dogger said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
La Yen said...

Just a reminder, personal attacks and pernicious trolling through comments will never be tolerated. Such comments will promptly be removed.

Big Dogger said...

So making personal attacks in the blog is permitted?

AzĂșcar said...

Wow. Ridiculous.


My fil has never seen my kids, his only grandchildren. Not once. Couldn't be bothered.

dalene said...

i'm so sorry for your pain. and i'm with la yen: it's sad and wrong when parents make the kids be the grown-ups.


b. said...

Definitely wash your hands of it.

Bek said...

A wise woman once told me that we don't have to hang ourselves from our family tree.

Washing your hands might not be totally possible (La Yen is right..when he dies SOMEONE is going to have to pay for stuff) The tricky part is that he is still your husband's dad, no matter what he does. That is what makes it tricky. Even when we wash our hands of those that we love, there is still a web of complicated emotions there. I am sorry.

The older I get the more I am starting to think that these kinds of people are the rule and not the exception. It can feel like the good guys are loosing some days.

Melody said...

I just stumbled upon this and I'd like to add: I imagine your husband's mom suffered much more than what he/you saw. I would put money on the fact that he was more than an utter disappointment; betcha his dad was down-right abusive to her, but like you said, mom covered for him.

"The truth will out" . . . apparently it has, painfully, as it often does, but a blessing in the end.

Good luck and God bless.

Tamara said...

Hi - I found this blog and I am enjoying the discussions - I agree with Bek that even washing hands leaves the complication of emotions behind. It is especially difficult to let go of relationships with our parents (even as adults) - this has been my experience. What makes it easier in my case is the support and love of my husband. I imagine in this story - that some of those siblings will love and support each other through this difficult time.

All the best on your journey and may God bless you.