Sunday, November 7, 2010

Checking out

So... ever since I discovered there are people I can't trust in my ward, who are cyber-stalking my every move I've been in a funk about socializing with people from Church. And since no one will 'fess up to who they are...I have been emotionally checked out of my ward, my callings, anything that will put me in any kind of contact with people who would be such a bunch of ______.

I have a friend in primary who mentioned that they hadn't gotten around to celebrating my daughter's birthdays in primary. Their birthdays were the last two weeks of September. It's November now.

I don't even know if I should bother bringing it up. It's clear as day that there is a vendetta against my family because I refuse to conform to faking my way around the ward. Which is kind of useful as a whole bucket-load of people are actively avoiding me and my family because I officially have a Scarlett letter on my chest. It is also really helpful in identifying those that are loyal, worthy friends. It's clear that in my ward anyone who is willing to speak their mind will immediately be reprimanded and not only that, they'll take it out on your kids.

So... question - do I even bother with these kind of people, or just chalk it up to... the Church would be great without all the people. OR - gospel is true - it's the people who aren't.

I am only going to my ward now, because primary could be good for my girls... although, even this theory is currently up for debate.

Trust is big for me... and when it is shattered... there's no gaining it back.

ps. I'm also writing on a gloomy, rainy day...and if you know me... I am solar powered. Today is just depressing.


~j. said...

April 7th.
April 15th.
September 26th.
October 10th.

These are just some of the birthdays in my family. And those who have these birthdays just have to get used to the fact that their birthdays fall right at General Conference time, so they shouldn't count on being remembered at church for their birthdays. Harsh? Sure. Also real. (I'm the April 7th.) On the years when they are remembered it can be a nice surprise.

As for The Incident: I'd go back to your bishop. Be honest with him. Tell him how this You vs. The Ward is making you feel. I feel that it's unfortunate that you've been put in this situation in the first place, but your bishop involved himself, and you are a part of that ward. If you feel you've gotten nowhere there, go to the stake presidency.

(Hi, Everyone who's reading this! If you're not used to Speaking Mormon, I can translate the above, just let me know which words are confusing.)

soybeanlover said...

I agree with ~J, talk to the bishop. He can't help the situation unless he knows. Why he decided to make the ward into a high school instead of a group of mature adults is another question, but still trust that he will be guided by a being much smarter than himself. After that try to see what lesson Heavenly Father wants you to learn from this. There is always a way to grow. I pray that you can comfortable in your ward again.

As for birthday's, dunno what to say. We were in a ward for five years, and no one ever remembered my birthday(except for the sister who had the same birthday). No card from the RS, or from my fellow Primary presidency. It hurts a bit, but people forget, life is crazy busy for everyone. Albeit the primary should keep better track of kids days, it does happen.

cabesh said...

I second ~J. They just sang to Chloe last week and her b-day is the end of Sept too. Between General Conference and prep for the Primary Program it gets crazy... (believe me, I've been in a Primary presidency). Last week I just nicely mentioned to the Primary president that she hadn't been sung to because of conference (and Chloe had mentioned it--otherwise I would've let it go). She was so apologetic and embarrassed.

I wondering (hoping) if there was something lost in translation between someone talking to the Bishop and him talking to you.....I'm saying that because you would be surprised how often I get phone calls or emails from sisters saying, "As the RS president I thought you should know what Sister (fill-in-the-blank) wrote on her facebook/blog. " It's usually not because they're offended, but concerned about the sister.....worried about her. If it's anything like my ward all the concerns would've come to me, then I would've brought them up with the Bishop in our monthly meeting. Something like this, "I'm concerned about Sister So-and-So. Several sisters have told me that they read her blog post about how frustrated she was that no one stayed to help clean up after the ward activity. I'll make an effort to let her know we appreciate all she does, but maybe you could make an assignment so that some of the men will clean up after the next one."

I know you feel ughhhh right now.....but I also know that sometimes we over analyze when we're already feeling beat-up (or at least I do).

I love you. You can move to my ward. We're very un-offended by things people say ...RS can get a little bit wild sometimes. ;)

dalene said...

I'm sorry. That stinks. I hope the sun comes out tomorrow.

(p.s. fwiw: currently in Primary. we screw up. it's never intentional.)

Queen Scarlett said...

You're all probably right about talking to the Bishop... I just think the issue to begin with was petty/pathetic to have people involve him in the first place.

Me needing some kind of closure so I don't suspect people who did nothing... seems less important than all the marital issues that are happening in the ward.

On a shallow level... I can't plan guests lists as I don't know who the cowardly twits are. Ack. Party plans are on hold this year. Which is killing my spirit! ;-)

And... normally that primary birthday thing ... I wouldn't have noticed... (I didn't even know they do that) but I'm viewing everything through the paranoia lens.

I was in the primary presidency before I had my oldest... that's where I learned callings are not all inspired.

I wish we could live in wards we pick... dang boundaries.

AzĂșcar said...

I just want to hug you.

dalene said...

please don't let them kill your spirit. party on. invite the world. nothing will put them in their place further or shine the light on their pettiness than for you to still be yourself.

Queen Scarlett said...

Why can't we be neighbors? I am grateful to be amigas and stay in touch via the Internet...but man... I need UT fix.