Questioning the Win or Lose Parenting Myth - Steady Mom
Does a good mommy "stand her ground"?
Saturday, May 21, 2011
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"Did you force your kid to drink water until she died? No? Then you are a good mommy today."
6 comments:
Only when it's the ground of reason. I've been trying to parent more thoughtfully and less win/loose like for the last year or so(trying being te operative word). I don't know if it's any different, but at least my kid knows he can reason with me, and sometimes he's come up with some mutally agreeable solutions to problems that couldn't be implemented if I stuck to my guns.
When he wakes me up at 5:30 am though, I am much less likely to acquiesce. I wonder why.
I love this article. Thanks for sharing.
I think there are some big things worth sticking to your guns about... but I'm not there yet - neither are my kids.
I grew up in a home where even when the parent was wrong - it didn't matter - they were the parent. I parent the opposite. If I fly off the handle and lose my temper - no matter if I was right, I apologize and explain that the way I handled it was bad. I make sure if they did something totally awesome, and wiser than me - I let them know, immediately. Likewise, if they did something not nice, we address it... right then and there - we talk it through. It's my whole thing about showing - hey, just because I'm a parent, doesn't mean I'm god.
I am trying to parent with the compassion I wished for as a child. I am so lucky to have the girls I do - patient, merciful, forgiving. They help me as I work to be more empathetic... as I've never had that mirrored to me... I am so grateful to finally have it now.
I think the best kind of parenting is... flexibility, compassion, thinking first of their best interest before our own.
I think a lot of the standing our ground no matter what... is based on selfishness, insecurity and unrealistic expectations.
Thanks for sharing this, Amy. Since I am very much a choose-your-battle type mom, and also, admittedly, someone who really likes to be 'right,' this is good for me to think about. And since I am currently struggling mightily with parenting a willful teenager, this topic is also timely.
I like what soybeanlover said about thoughtful parenting and the reminder about what having a win/lose mentality really means.
And I'm with Queen about apologizing and admitting both when I am wrong and also when I handled something badly. Those are things I have tried to do since my children were little and I think (at least hope) it goes a long way towards building a mutual trust between parent and child and teaching both honesty and compassion.
In any case, there are situations when it's best for the child for the parent to stand firm, but I also agree that listening and reasoning and even negotiating with a child can occasionally be more effective.
God grant me the wisdom to know the difference.
We all pray.....
Love everyone's insight! Thanks for sharing. I find myself always waffling between the two ideas. Praying that I will gain wisdom in this area before my children are teens! We can always hope, right?
Totally agree with this and though I sometimes fall back into the trap of just being right, I try hard to remember that my children are people too and they have feelings, thoughts, opinions, etc and they deserve my respect. Also, if I explain things (instead of the 'because I said so' stance) it helps my children to learn and grow as well. I would much rather help my children learn than be "right".
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