Thursday, March 6, 2008

How do you balance being a Mommy with a member of a larger family?

I just had to send out an email canceling our trip to California to see our families. I prayed about it, I know it was the right thing to do, but I just feel like a bad person. (I canceled it because Jooj has been really troubled lately with everything--sickness, tantrums, general sadness, everything. And she needs stability and quiet and sleep in her own bed. Not a vacation.)

Why am I feeling so guilty for disappointing my extended family, when I should be feeling proud for being the mother of my children, and putting my OWN family first?

How do you find a balance between the old relationships and roles and the new ones?


compulsive writer said...

That is tough. I remember the year I was a no-show for the family reunion I had planned because there was no way I was going to make 16-hour road trip with a colicky 4-week old baby. I used to feel guilty about things like that, but it became easier to say no as time went on.

That said, I secretly feel guilty that I now have a single mother with a disabling health condition and two single and aged grandmothers in town yet I continue to put my own children first. I really ought to visit all of them more often, but I'm barely keeping it together here. I don't balance very well at all so I should just shut up now.

Amy said...

Hmmm.. yah. Don't have much here. Other than I'm trying more and more to err on the side of putting my little family first. Because they are my FIRST responsibility. I guess it's a give and take. I think there will be times that you will KNOW sacrifice is necessary for extended fam (big events, death, marriage, etc.) Even then, I think there could be situations where you might have to think outside the box and let them know that you love and support them in a different way than expected.

Queen Scarlett said...

I'm a HUGE stick in the mud for protecting the needs of my own family. I don't feel guilty...I say BITE ME... so maybe I'm not the best to help with this. ;-)

Seriously though - our priority is first to our little ones/hubbies. That's it. So... if it doesn't work out for them and people can't understand because they are far to selfish for their own good - I don't think twice about it.

There is nothing more obnoxious than an in-law or whatever who is all pissy because you wouldn't drag your poor little one all over the place.

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. ;-) You always do.