Good or good enough.
Your thoughts, please.
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"Did you force your kid to drink water until she died? No? Then you are a good mommy today."
"Did you force your kid to drink water until she died? No? Then you are a good mommy today."
8 comments:
What does it say about me that the distinction between good and good enough is so much clear and simple to me than good, better or best? And that I'm really often good with just good enough?
On second thought, don't answer that.
Please.
In the past, I have been all for "good enough" but have been felling, this week and last, like I need to reexamine my motives--
I have been reading all of these "odes" to being a lazy mom, or an uninvolved mom, or whatever, and some of it seems like rationalization. For example--"I don't take my kids on playdates, because it is too hard to get going and organized. But the benefit is that they are great friends with their brothers." Yes, that is good, but if your kids are in school and are not having play dates with school pals they are gong to suffer socially at recess and in the classroom, and, especially girls, are going to be a Mean Girl target.
I think for me, I have to be careful that "good enough" doesn't become like the "Pride of the poor" that we hear about. Becoming derisive towards the moms who are doing a phenomenal job, and congratulating myself on wallowing in a layer of filth with my still-diapered ten year old.
Does that make sense?
During our whole huge remodeling project I kept overhearing my husband and his Dad say "close enough" or "good enough". Oh dear, I need a framed copy of that phrase in my house.
La Yen's got me thinking... it's something I haven't been able to put a label on but the "pride of the poor" seems to nail it.
I think it comes down to... stop thinking about and comparing with other people. Frankly, I just don't care about what someone else is doing because those aren't my kids and that isn't my family. I think we know when we are rationalizing... it's like when you know you are crossing the line with standards... if you have to ask - you know you shouldn't be doing xyz.
hmm.. love everyones comments. I've been ruminating on this because the idea hits me in different ways. I tend to have perfectionist leanings... and I'm realizing that when I let go a little bit and resign myself to "good enough" now and again, I realize that sometimes, SOMETIMES, for me, "good enough" IS "good". And I need to work on that. And redefine what "good" means to me.
I see it as kind of a "choose your battles" type of thing. There are some things that are more important to me than others and since they're my kids and I'm the one responsible it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or what I might think of anyone else's choices, either.
As many of you may know, after the birth of my fourth child I adopted the motto "lowering the bar and being awesome." It seemed to encapsule what the struggle of obtaining an unobtainable level of momminess ultimately came to mean for me.
Sometimes I hear someone give an example of how they're "lowering the bar" and I'll think "good for you!" But other times I cringe and think, "Oh, no. no. no, that's not what I meant." But I keep it to myself because of what Compulsive Writer said--basically that each mother is responsible for her own children and we, as women, don't need to make that more difficult for other women.
Good enough changes from day to day. It's the overall tone and climate of your home that matters, ultimately, don't you think?
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