Wednesday, March 11, 2009

I am so tired of being a Bad Mommy. How do I know I am a Bad Mommy? Because my daughter keeps telling me. She is almost four.

I try my hardest every doggone day. Some days my hardest is pretty pathetic. Some days it is near-heroic.

And every day she cries for her father, her grandparents, her cousins. She tells me "I don't like you." She hits and fights and lies refuses to listen and I am so incredibly sick of it.

I know that there is nothing that can take the place of the mother, but I am at the point where I would be willing to test that statement.

I know that she is only four; I know that she doesn't understand all of what she is saying and doing. I know that she certainly doesn't mean to break my heart every single night. But I also know that other kids don't seem to be doing this. Other kids are talking about Jesus and helping and being like Mommy.

Which means that every night I get on my knees, sometimes in tears, and pray to know what I am doing wrong.


soybeanlover said...

I wish I could tell you what to do, but I don't know. Keep up the prayers and keep reminding yourself that she is four.

There are two books that I've read that I turn to when things get rough in our house.

Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman
Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen

Good luck!

Tiffany UnTwisted said...

i thought i was the only one who's 4-year old said 'i [edited for sensitivity] you.'

*sigh* it's like i do everything wrong.

Jennifer said...

i am dealing with the same thing right now. my daughter is 8. NO seems to be her word of choice these days and EVERYTHING is a fight. brushing teeth, taking baths, cleaning room, picking out clothes, tv time, computer time, outside time... it's just a power struggle. this morning i reached my limit.

pray, pray, pray. and then pray some more.

sue-donym said...

I wrote this amazing insightful response to you in the middle of the night, and it's not here.

Anyway, I think she is sensing your insecurities and playing off of them. Because she is smart. Too smart.

She knows you hate having W gone, that you don't have a "village", and that this past year and a half + has been really hard on you all.

Give her time. Read the book soybean suggested, it sounds like a good one. KNOW that YOU ARE NOT ALONE in feeling this way.

You are a good mom, doing things right. Hang in there.

~j. said...

Raise your hand if your kid always and only talks about Jesus and helping and being like Mommy, and never tells you they don't like you or hits or fights or lies, or refuses to listen.


~j. said...

Honestly, all those things happening don't make you a bad mommy -- they make you a mommy.

And choosing to hit your knees and tearfully plead is what makes you a good mommy.

b. said...

I could not have said it any better than the ladies ahead of me...I know you're tired...hang in and hang on!

Queen Scarlett said...

K just screamed "I don't want a Mommy in this family!!!"

So I said... okay... go to your room ...if you don't have a Mommy then you don't get lunch, because Mommy's make lunch.

This is after I put her in her room for talking back.

Yeah... today I am not the perfect Mommy for her.

I think four-year-olds are practicing being scary teenagers ...or maybe they'll get it out of their systems now we won't have to be committed when they are teens. ;-)

Every night I make the commitment to be better...and every morning it works for a bit...until K's agency comes into play... ack. The heartbreak of motherhood.

Geo said...

Tonight, and tomorrow night, and the nights after that, when you get on your knees, pray to know what you are doing right. I believe that you will receive some sorely needed, comforting input.

La Yen said...

Thanks. She is killing me.

I think that it is hard, too, because when we want to do our very best the adversary really pushes us to make it the hardest.

dalene said...

What they said. And I especially second Geo's response. We've heard that same advice from an apostle in Stake Conference and I do believe it's universal to women/mothers everywhere (even in old El Paso).

Oh, and about that Jesus thing? My kid screamed in Sacrament Meeting once, "But I hate J_____." So no, you're no the only one.

Love you--


Stepper the Mighty said...

Ugh! Poor La Yen!

You know, years from now (years that will seem so short once you're at the other end of them), you guys will be best friends.

Mark my words. MARK 'EM!

And then SHE'LL have a daughter who says horrible things to her, and she'll come crying to you for advice, and you'll have it to give.

And you can also say, "neener neener"