Friday, August 17, 2007

I am a good mom today because I didn’t wring my firstborn’s neck.

Today was the second day in a row that he used the space of time between getting him dressed and getting me dressed to wreck havoc. Yesterday, he got into the pantry and climbed the shelves to get the honey. He removed the cap from the honey and ported it to the living room. He then poured the honey all over his trains, the coffee table, the carpet, and my fraying computer cord. He managed to get his hands, face, and bum (I don’t know.) I only had time to wash him and not the table or the trains. He screamed at me because the whole point of covering his trains with honey was so that he could give them a washdown like Sir Topham Hatt. Uh-huh.

My sister and husband graduated today from university. I was taking the kids to my sister’s graduation and had to go back to put on my clothes. Cue the music of doom. I walk into the hallway and notice white footprints. You know, like a freaking ghost on Scooby-Doo. That’s when I noticed the pantry door open and my 25 pound bag of flour tipped over. Gordon the Train was under the flour. Guille was covered in flour and when he ran away from me, his ghost footprints tracked around the kitchen and the living room.

I was so angry I slammed the pantry door, making the pile of flour go WHOOSH into the air and disperse in a mist all over my clean floor. I am happy that I didn’t slam the kid.

He screamed at me because he wanted to wash Gordon down. Instead, Gordon the Train got to stay in the pantry under the flour while I dragged Guille into the bathroom. He was trying to get away from me and succeeded only in powdering me. Do I look like I’m an 18th century chick that needs a good dusting? Let me answer that for you, NO, I don’t. I don’t have any panniers, my Rousseau book is missing, and I lost my snuff box along with my beauty patches five years ago.

It’s like kids can sense anxiety and stress, and then decide to amplify it. My kids are still alive, we watched my sister walk, and now I’m having a Diet Coke. Even if I did DRAG my kid to get cleaned up, I am a good mommy today.

13 comments:

Queen Scarlett said...

...and I thought I was having a day. Thanks for posting... they are also still alive - so I guess good mommy for me too. ;-) My sister walked today too.

Mandee said...

This reminds me of the time I found my 2 & 4 year old sitting in a lake of vegetable oil, with puddles of eggs around them... dressed in their best clothes, including shoes and ball caps. Luckily the husband was home (it was a Saturday) and they were in the kitchen. But I had to walk into my room and stay there until I knew I wouldn't wring their little necks. It was awhile.

Kathy's Korner said...

Oh it does the heart good to hear its "not just my kids". Your day sounded alot like mine....cause I too thought I could shower. My situation culminated once the soap was in my hair, and involved my 2 year old removing her poppy diaper while the 8 month old bee lined it for the "party". Oy and ewwww!!!!

I'm a good Mommy too as no one was injured and we got our errands done too.

Who knew when I started down this path to motherhood that taking a shower would become risky behavior!

Mother May I????? said...

Oh dear! Well we had the never ending BABY powder soga happen the same way as the flour! Also, Food coloring made its way to the upstairs bathroom and was introduced as FINGER PAINT!!! UGH!

compulsive writer said...

As far as food products got he went for two of the worst three (so glad he didn't find the eggs). Flour gets everywhere and honey never ever gets all the way out.

And you didn't send him off to boot camp?

You are a good mommy today!

Azúcar said...

I didn't even discuss the lime yogurt that he used the other day to wash down Percy the Train. Or the bottle of baby oil over his wool carpet and the entire bottle of contact solution.

sue-donym said...

Sounds like the TRAINS need a time out. All of these stories involved them.

I am so glad to hear you had a Diet Coke.

Emily said...

Can he be friends with Bek's Jacob? I think they would be good friends. Where is Bek these days, anyway?

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Dana Thickburger said...

I know a guy that will "take care" of your kid for $1500, no questions asked. Hit my blog to make contact.

Azúcar said...

$1500? That's a good price. However, considering the capital investment we've made in them already, I'd rather have someone pay ME.

Bek said...

Oh Carina, I feel your pain.

It does end. We haven't had anything like that in a while.... but those are the days that you earn your wings with your boys. With you girls it is the kind that CW talks about in the above post....

La Yen said...

Bek? Is that you?