Friday, December 11, 2009

Now for the Flabbergasted response

I have to give credit to my friend Cabesh. I think I was so utterly stunned that someone would be this uptight about something that they'd send me an email that evening of the activity to complain... that I really was at a complete loss. I wanted to do the right thing... but my lunatic meter was vibrating like mad. When crazy people do crazy things... surprising me a bit... I start to think I am crazy.

So I took Cabesh's email and just added a few details. If it were me, off the cuff... I'd be much less charitable - because I can't stand ridiculous behavior, immature, and insecure women. They drive me crazy, and cause ridiculous amounts of drama, requiring the rest of us to tiptoe around on eggshells.

Dear Parent,

I'm so sorry that your daughter didn't have an enjoyable time at our class activity last night. We were really striving to build sisterhood and friendship amongst the girls while celebrating the birth of our Savior and the spirit of giving. Our Pres/Laurel advisor was sick last night so we went ahead and had the Laurels combine with us. There were only three of them.

I'm not sure which gift your daughter brought or who it ended up with (me, or one of the other leaders, or a laurel). When we have activities, as leaders we try to participate as much as we can to create enthusiasm and to teach by example-- it's amazing how much more willing the girls are to do service and to be involved when they see that we leaders are into it. So, with that as our general philosophy, we did participate in the gift exchange.

When it was my turn to pick a gift, I let my 3yo go pick one out for me. When that gift was "stolen" (we allowed 3 steals per gift) I let my 5yo have a turn to pick my gift. I'm not sure what the standard rules are other than whoever brings a gift gets to participate. It seemed like everyone was having a great time, and girls at this age are so great with little ones. In fact they were encouraging my girls to pick certain gifts when they were picking them in my place. We also had three extra gifts left over so we let one of the leaders who didn't bring a gift pick one out. Then the YW decided they wanted to give the leftover two gifts to my girls. I guess I should have told the girls they were not allowed to give them to my girls. If your daughter's gift is one of the three that ended up in my home I'd be happy to return it to her so she can pass it on to one of the other YW. Please let me know which one it was.

Again, I am sorry that your daughter felt disappointed. I hope that she knows how much we love and appreciate her. She is quite talented at offering ideas when we're planning activities.

Merry Christmas,

ps. I have been waiting for a response... and guess what... not a shocker - there hasn't been one. Bets on if she ever will? Or maybe just sneer and continue the cold-front towards my family. Oh...and I need to mention... her oldest daughter let slip her father is racist against... Asians. Nice huh? He was recently released as our Home Teacher... don't worry he only came once out of obligation. (thank heavens...) Living in Calif...a racist... how ignorant can you get???

pps. I'm being released as Beehive adviser and moved into Laurels this Sunday. Which is kind of a relief. Because now I finally get to work with a woman (my friend/pres of yw) who knows who she is, is confident, and a great example...and knows how to be a leader.


wendysue said...

Wow. . .you're nice.

I want to read the letter you REALLY wanted to send. I think I'm like you, stuff like this drives me crazy! It's too bad that I'm sure this had nothing to do with the sweet beehive girl and everything to do with the mother (and maybe father.)

~j. said...

I'm disappointed that I've come to this late in the game. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself, for the activity.

Years ago, I planned a combined YM/YW activity,and a day or so before the activity, a mother (wife of the YM pres at the time, mother to a YM and a YW) phoned to let me know that she felt that what we were doing was inappropriate. I asked, "Is that so?" (She's one of those inappropriately direct, socially-suffering sisters.) After she detailed, for a good six or seven minutes why it was such a bad idea, followed by suggestions as to what would be a better idea, I said to her: "Well, thank you for your opinion. You know I wouldn't deign tell you what to do with your calling in the RS presidency, and as such, I'm going to go ahead and go with what I've planned to do. We all have our callings for a reason."

That night, following the activity, this woman's son and daughter ran to me to thank me for "The Funnest Activity EVER!" I told them to be sure to tell their mom how much fun they had.


~j. said...

ps, I hope you'll let us know if there is a follow-up! (if you work with cw, that's what's known as 'f/u')

AzĂșcar said...

Well played, S.

Lisa said...

I'm sorry that I'm late to this conversation, but I just wanted to mention one point that bothers me that nobody's brought up yet: the fact that you (and ahem, me, coincidentally) have to do a lot of these activities with our young children because we can't get babysitters that night and our spouses are gone. Where's the kindness and understanding at sacrificing time with our children to serve someone else's children? Where's THAT perspective?

Your letter is nice. I would have had a little more twinge of martyrdom in it; hardship on my life to even have an activity, etc., but yours is more Christ-like, so, lesson learned.

Queen Scarlett said...

wendysue - I'm really not. More of a crabby b. ;-)

~j - I love that you do that... I need to be more direct in a calm, rational way... but darn it... I'm a Leo! ;-)

Carina - had a lot of help from Cabesh... she is my zen.

Lisa - there was plenty of angst that wasn't spilled out... well - spilled out here. ;-) THANK YOU... I agree... it's not like it's easy leaving my girls to help hers. I'd much rather hang with mine... ah well.

Queen Scarlett said...

And... it's been nearly a week and a half... no response... so I believe she'll just passive-aggressive her anger towards me at Church. YAY!

dalene said...

oh. my. gosh. sorry i am also late to the party, but bottom line: she's out of line. you are performing an act of service in your position as yw leader. there are many valuable lessons to be learned in how the activity did play out--especially that families are important and service in our families and our families does not have to be mutually exclusive and...well, you get the picture.

i say good for the yw that they have already learned lessons of love and unselfishness in looking out after your girls and making sure everyone present at the activity felt included (including the yw leader who didn't bring a gift).

obviously they are much more evolved than this particular mother.

Queen Scarlett said...

Sometimes I think the girls have more to deal with in their own homes than outside forces. ;-)

Thanks Dalene!