Sunday, December 6, 2009

has this happened to you?

so my 14-year-old did something stupid and unkind the other day. part of me is angry and disappointed. but part of me knows this has happened, at one time or another, to a lot of people. so i'd like to hear your stories and about how you handled it if it ever happened to you.

despite my repeated pleas she "play nice," she was dissing a friend to a group of other friends (to be fair, they were all dissing that girl. mean, i know. but also very 14). while she was going off the girl walked in and heard what she said.

the girl is, of course, crushed. i wish i had the power to take her hurt away and unbreak her heart, but i don't.

i would, however, like to know how to help my daughter apologize. (not that she listens to me. much. but i'd like to try.) she does feel badly (she has a conscience after all). but she is more prone to avoid the situation than woman up and say she's sorry.

your thoughts?


Kalli Ko said...

Being a 14 year old girl is THE WORST.

What do you do other than talk to her, listen to her, and encourage her to do the right thing by apologizing?

La Yen said...

I have to think about this. I can't wrap my head around anything other than forced apology--and I know that isn't the right thing to do. I will FLIP when this happens in our home...

b. said...

It is usually my 13 year old daughter who comes home crushed, as recently as Friday. Full body, heart wrenching sobbing.
It's really hard to be the Mom on the other side. I want heads to roll. But, since we can't be with them 24/7--we don't know all the ins and outs of what happened.

Maybe just talk to her about remembering a time when it was her being talked about and how awful she felt and what would she want to have happen.

wendysue said...

Ugh, I hated being 14. I agree with b.--maybe turn the situation around (since she really does feel bad), and she what she thinks would help. I know for me at that age, I did anything to avoid confrontation (even apologetic confrontation), so maybe writing a letter would help her be able to say what she wants to.

Queen Scarlett said...

This makes me hurt inside. I remember what it was like... to be the oddball - the one made fun of just because you look diff't.

I would just say... at least your daughter feels bad. That's a good thing.

Being a teen SUCKS. Maybe a text message? I hear that's what all the kids do these days.