Friday, June 6, 2008

Brace Yourself

I took Sissy G. to get her braces off today.
We've been waiting for this day for 20 days shy of 2 years.
I knew we'd both be wowed, but I wasn't prepared for this:

She opened her mouth into a slick, smooth, shiny white smile.
Tears welled up in my eyes and I took in a quick deep breath.......
She looks exactly like her Birth Mother.

In that instant, I was taken back to a hotter summer day in 1996. Hoss and I had made the drive to the hometown of the woman who gave her birth.
We met our attorney in the hotel lobby and drove to her parents' home, where she lived.
We pulled up and she was leaning on the car of a new boy friend's. She glanced at us and went back to finishing up her conversation. Eventually, making her way over to us.

The hours, events, and emotions that followed over the next 24 hours came rushing back to me today. Sissy G.'s was the only Birth Mother we met of our three children. It was also the most difficult adoption experience of the three. On one hand, especially after meeting and seeing what could have been the rest of her life, we KNEW it was right. She was meant to be with us. No question. But, at the end of that 24 hour period......taking her from the arms of the beautiful soul who created and grew her....also felt criminal.
I stared at her for as long as I could. Long enough that I could remember her features, but not so long that I creeped her out.

Today.....I stared at that face again.

It was bittersweet. Because, if I'm being honest, I forget that I didn't grow and give birth to my children. I get caught up in the birth stories my friends tell and always have to stop myself from jumping in......
Comforted by our Temple sealings, I know-- without shadow of doubt--that this was God's plan.
I would not have it any other way........my children are my children no matter how they came. But for a brief moment(s) in time......I wish someone else's heart didn't have to be broken. It's a feeling I can't really put well with words, I dunno.

I guess what I'm saying is.......wherever she is, I pray that Heavenly Father will whisper to her today, tell her how thankful I am.....how beautiful they both are......and that her choice was perfect.

16 comments:

Sparcam said...

Oh, man...that is so awesome! What a truly remarkable woman you are and the birth mother. I have always felt that those who give up their children for adoption to give them a better chance (stability, etc) will be thrice blessed for their integrity and selflessness. Those that take them in...ditto. You are awesome!

Mrs. Organic said...

What a beautiful sentiment and a lovely post.

(Our children really are little time capsules, aren't they?)

Amy said...

Beautiful post. Thanks for sharing with us.

Lisa said...

b. this is beautiful. You sound like a terrific mom and she is lucky to have you and to be removed from that situation. I have more to say, but I'll stick to an email.

AzĂșcar said...

Lovely, B.

La Yen said...

I feel you. SO much. My heart is steeling itself for the future.

Elizabeth-W said...

The only word I can think of is 'disconcerting' to describe that experience.
I like how you said you forget you didn't grow them. For people who adopt at such an early stage, I would imagine that is probably more common than those who adopt much older children.
Great post, B. And you are a great mom.

Klin said...

My oldest came to us 3rd. The post about my sister a few days ago is the story of his biological mom. He's mine though. Always been part of our family. It makes all the difficulties worth it knowing what kind of life he could've had.

I like to think that she gave birth to him and we gave him life. A life of love and learning.

You're a good momma in my book:)

Patti said...

delurking... THANK you for this post. It was beautiful.

compulsive writer said...

Yes, beautiful. Thank you!

Queen Scarlett said...

You are lovely - perfect...just perfect.

Geo said...

B., my hero. I love you.

Bek said...

B--you said what is in my hear too (except I see their mom's in their faces right now...it is eerie..). I love that you wrote this...

Sally said...

As another adoptive mom, thanks for speaking what I feel in my heart. Our placement with our son was such a bittersweet experience, knowing that in our greatest joy, this sweet girl was in her greatest pain.

sue-donym said...

beautiful b.

The Purcell Family said...

Aunt B, I LOVED your post! I never really get to hear your amazing stories about your children's adoptions. You ARE a great mom, and a great Aunt!! I love you!