Saturday, June 7, 2008

Bad Mommy...

Confession.

So last weekend I had this feeling I needed to take my flu virus ridden 20 month old to the urgent care center to have her ears checked out. She hadn't been sleeping well and felt miserable.

But... I figured since her big sister who's prone to ear infections came back from her appointment that Mon without an ear infection... and a Daddy who took her saying "I told you so".... that I was just being my typical over-reacting self.

You should see how often I go to the doctor... I'm a little nuts.

Finally on Tuesday I take my poor ... baggy eyed baby to the doctor. She has an ear infection. The left is worse than the right...and I am devastated.

I feel like the meanest mommy in the world. The doctor knows me well enough that he tries to pretend he doesn't seem me with the tears...he tells me not to crucify myself.

I know better... I know that when she was up every hour for a boobie I was getting grumpy-tired. I know that even though she stuck to me like glue every morning and I loved it...I was also trying to figure out how I could distract her so I could get chores done.

All I could do was kiss my baby and tell her I was sorry. Oh...and apologize for being so mean and agreeing when her Daddy said to turn off the monitor at night... he said she'd need to learn to cry it out and learn to sleep. This was before we knew for sure it was an ear infection... but she was still sick. I let him do that... what is wrong with me? She was in pain and needed me.

Anyway... my little wake up call to trust my instinct ...and always better to be sure. Poor baby - she's my little happy one that loves to turn to smile at me.

8 comments:

Geo said...

Isn't it wonderful we get second chances again and again and again . . . ?

AzĂșcar said...

My mom told me that when I was about 13 months old my dad convinced her to let me cry it out. She said she laid in bed listening to me scream, she felt terrible. When she went in the next morning, the room was freezing--the window had been open all night! No wonder I'd been crying, I was freezing! She said she still feels awful.

Anyway, I don't know if that makes you feel better, but at least you know that other moms go through the same thing.


(And I'm still alive.)

Queen Scarlett said...

It's like... no matter what I do... there are still things that I just screw up at. I'm just lucky my girls are so forgiving.

It does feel better that you are still alive. ;-)

ClistyB said...

how many memories do you have of when you were 20 months old?
see?

Lisa said...

My daughter complained about a sore throat while still playing/jumping/dancing/going to school. I ignored it and finally took her in. She had strep throat.

It does feel bad, but we can all empathize.

Hopefully your baby is feeling better now. :)

Deby said...

Katya was being a schmuck one day over the winter and I gave her no sympathy at all. I thought she was just being a moody PMSing teenager. Later that night she started puking - she had the stomach flu. Man did she rub that in for days and days about how heartless I was.

Some days you just can't win for trying.

compulsive writer said...

Despite whatever mistakes are made, know this. No one will ever love your girls the way you do. They sense and are secure in that knowledge.

Kids are resilient and forgiving and they love their mamas.

Teagan said...

This sounds like one of my stories... But mine had the rudest doctor that made me feel like the worst mom ever.
Our Mommy instincts are always right and we do need to trust them:)